When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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