the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
