i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize