I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
