as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
