Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm at about main and main street
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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