I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
