my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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