In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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