This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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