I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
