I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
