Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
