if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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