Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
