i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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