OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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