She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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