We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i believe in u and ur pee
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