Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
