dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
