Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
