Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize