Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
