I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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