Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
