my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
