i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You took a bar mat shot.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
