I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize