You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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