dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
