stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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