If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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