nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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