I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
