Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
