The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
