Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
In the future we'll all be gay
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
