I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
