I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
