I accidentally burped into my bong.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
