apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
