so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
