it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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