hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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