dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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