Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
