Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
me + whiskey = a bad person
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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