I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can text with my tongue
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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