just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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