omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
