Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
