after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
