Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
