Where did you get a picture of my penis
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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