You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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