the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
