I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
