walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
