he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
