I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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