Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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