it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
