I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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