I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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