i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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