whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
how can u be prego again
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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