Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
