i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
