Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
